not Again

my eldest brother talked with me yesterday, I felt so fed up by the way I am not understood. I feel so forlorn and alone.he kept on telling me that all I have to do is to take my medications, and they'd be the one to worry about how to get the medicines for me and where to get the money for them. I feel helpless then... I felt a tinge of depression slowly surging out of my system. I wanted to die... I don't want anyone to worry for me. I don't want anyone to look after me like I cannot look after myself at all! I am not a little kid to be talked at by an adult... I wanted to blame my psychiatrist for all these stupid happenings... I wish to God she already gets well so she can see how depressed I am and let me get back to my original life(the life I led whenI was depressed--like I get what I want, I can use my celphone which by the way was embargoed because of my rapid fits---Manic-Depression alternating rapidly)... I wanted to get out of the house, I wanted to go to the movies and eat popcorn and watch cheesy,romantic and mushy films... I wanted to go to my spiritual director; an 84 year old Jesuit. I wanted so much to cry to him and complain about how unfair life is. Right now I simply shut myself from the world, it's better like this, I don't want to see anyone especially visitors at this time.