DISTANT

I am but a tiny speck of dust
and yet I can show my might.

who would have thought I would
end up like this?
I have the brains of a genius they say...
I have the beauty which i do not realize before

It is but a distant nightmare
I am tired of bending to the wiles
of my mind
which directs me to feel this or do that
and end up WITHOUT SHAME

what is DIGNITY to me?
IT IS NOTHING MORE THAN A PIECE OF SH**

but then why do I NOT feel remorse
of losing friendships?
of losing other's respect?
of losing wisdom to do what is right?
of losing what i hold most precious?
Do i realize something from what my eldest brother said?
YES, MAYBE. but i rarely feel regret for
my past decisions
and for that i am sure i face my own DOOM

Do they really know that i knew what I did?

or do they think it's a streak of BAD LUCK AND INSANITY?