resurfacing from murky rivers of depression

...i still have it, this impeccable mood shifts.
i totally do not know how i can live with this.
there were times when i thought ending my life was the best thing,
there were instances when i just want to sleep the rest of my days into oblivion...

i do not anymore see the difference between Monday or Sunday, every day seemed the same.

and when i cry, it was simply dry tears that i shed... maybe i was tired of doing that too.

it was almost 4 years since i was diagnosed with this illness, i read in a magazine it was called a "disease". i can't almost accept i have this inside of my head or inside my whole system.

i am tired of hugging myself. i even dread the times when my friends would visit me. i do not want them to pity me! all i wanted was for them to understand... everything is bound to pass.

...and i waited

bearing the excruciating pain, living like a monk inside my room and feeling totally scared of everything and maybe nothing at all... my mama sleeps beside me. i wonder that's how i was when i was a baby. i simply cannot sleep without her. she too patiently waited like a woman on her ninth month of pregnancy. it was a wait full of anxiety.


will tomorrow come?
will it be a better day?

and then at last it came

i woke up one day and embraced the warmth of sunshine,appreciating every breath that i take, grateful for the unseen hand that created me.

maybe i am still worth one more day.