feeling bored and exhausted

i slept all day

and then woke up with a start

i remembered i have an appointment

with my professor...

I did go to school and almost was late

for our appointment

GOOD that my professor is a sensible and

understanding person...

I also went to see Lala today

she will leave for Manila tomorrow

she assigned me to do something

for our thesis

i felt afraid...

and a bit exhausted

and bored

all at the same time

i hope I can do what she asked of me

anyway,

she'll be back on Thursday.

Happy Moments with Mama

I went to see another psychiatrist because my doctor is bound for a major operation, I felt happy to see her, she is so kind and asks me how I feel, if I still eat much, she even lowered the dosage of one of my medicines(with permission from my dr. via text), I was with my mama when I saw her, she told the doctor that I already am okey compared to my previous state the past months. Mama defended me so much because she wanted so much as to lessen the medication that I am taking. I also agreed with the scheme because it is so hard to keep up with the cost of my medicines, my savings is depleting so fast I could not help but just gave out a helpless sigh.The doctor said I have to monitor what I feel everyday that I take my medicines so that she can asses how I am more accurately on March 30, the next time I will see her.

Mama also went to see her OB Gyne, I went with her and checked my weight, I was aghast when I learned that I am 94 kilograms again! I was so sad, maybe all the yo-yo dieting did not help at all. I have to device a way to lessen my body weight before my check up with the said OB Gyne too, she monitors my weight which is vital to regulate my menstruation or period. Haay!

After the routine check ups we went to San Fransisco Church to attend the Perpetual Help Novena, I have so much to pray for and ask the Lady.Mama went to the blessed sacrament right afterwards, I also said a little prayer before we left.

After this we went to Bigg's, the original purpose was to go to its restroom. :)hahaha Mama felt the call of nature that is why.I was famished then that is why  mama agreed to order something to eat. I know she misses those times that Papa was with us during such times, Bigg's was Papa's favorite restaurant. But anyway we ate happily, as if we were on a date. We shared each other's food and went out very full. Thanks be to God for times like this!

Graduation Sighs

I attended a Graduation Ceremony today at the Holy Rosary Minor Seminary, it's more like attended a graduation "FEAST" :) haha... I had four different stations (meaning 4 different places where I ate) I am glad I only ate little at each station , but darn, my stomach complained and I have to resort to going to Ateneo to find a restroom, imagine that! Thanks to the kindness of Fr. DJ (delos Reyes) I was accommodated at the Jesuit Residence, I was able to really pour all the excesses that I consumed for the day... "mabuti na lang at hindi ako inabutan sa daan", else I'd be damned!

At the end of it all I was able to reflect that I seem to envy the GRADUATES because they graduated already while me? I have to work and wait for my thesis to finish and for my course requirements to be submitted to my professors. I can't help but heave a deep sigh, I was suppose to graduate this March too, but everything conspired not to let it happen... my illness, my papers, my difficulty in comprehending what I read, the internal pressure that sometimes I feel I cannot anymore handle. I still ask a lot of questions to the Lord when I pray, but I seem to have learned to trust Him all throughout the way... I have to lift it all up to God and say, "NOT MY WILL BUT YOURS BE DONE"

~~Congratulations to John, Tophe, Roy, Bob, Ruben and Batch 2009!

Kilig Factor

I watched a movie the other day entitled "When I met You" starring Richard Gutierez and KC Concepcion. I find the story line of the movie unique and fantastic... It makes me think that love really makes a way through tough and difficult situations. I have faith that really Love will find a way for me and my beloved... It seems like many are against our relationship, my mama, siblings... who else??? hay! It makes me think that it would be a lot easier if I let them get away with it scot-free, to let them have their way, but my heart tells me "NO!" and so I put the matter into God's Big and secure hands. I know that if He wills it He will let me be happy with that boyfriend of mine. (duh) "Bahala na"

Today, i administered a test for English One students (First Year ECE students of Ateneo). This would be necessary for Lala and mine's thesis. I just hope that the students find the test easy especially because they have been taught about grammar and vocabulary since English Plus days...It took me about 30 to 45 minutes. This class is under Ma'am Cha and she came to class late and chatted with me for a while then went on with her class with the Koreans. I will give the test papers to Lala after Allie's birthday party, yes, my niece Allie is celebrating her 5th birthday today... Cheers!

Book filled Sunday

I was reading a very good book by a Filipina author, entitled Bamboo in the Wind... Kuya Rex who purchased the book for me as a birthday gift said it was a difficult find, really he had a hard time looking for it in National Bookstore and ended up finding it in Powerbooks.haha. :)

My eyes were getting blurry as hours passed by while I read the book, I still persist and insist though because of the uniqueness of the plot and the diverse and varied characters whose lives are intertwined by Fate or was it a dirty government ruled by thugs during the pre-Martial Law days. I feel terrified at the thought of being born during those times when even innocent people went to jail without legal counsel and without the right to defend oneself in court or know the charges filed against them....

I still feel lucky I am an Edsa baby, it makes me thankful to God for making life easier for me even if my medicines costs a fortune. My eldest brother reported to me that my medicines costs 6,660 per month. That would cost Candy's(my sister) salary already.... How can I live independently if I graduate and all I earn is a meager 1,500 which was the salary of professors in the local Seminary? I still feel a bit depressed especially when my brother told me that my sole responsibility is to get well. I feel useless. I need to find a way to get money, even if it means I have to beg...

First Day Funk?!

Today is supposed to be my first day in school after my "rapid cycling"[meaning Mania and Depression alternating quickly]...

I was hoping to see my classmates today but I found out from my teacher that we already do not meet because she is letting the class do their papers which is due this March 2009. I did not see my thesis partner Lala because of this happening.

I was also hoping to graduate, but I was told by my Department Chair that I might not be able to pass my requirement which is my Thesis. I will have to wait till October 2009 or Summer to be able to graduate. Hay! what a Life! It is really full of surprises and strife. How I wish I am not alive to experience all these injustices?! or should I just say, damn it! Life is really unfair.

I also went to Ateneo feeling sleepy, because of the medicines that I had taken this lunch time. maybe by Friday I should not take my medication before going to my 9 am class. I will be sure to fall asleep while my professor talks the minutes and hours away.

Speaking of Friday, my friend Fr. Rex will come home this Friday, I hope to catch him so that I can talk to him also and well, I am excited to see him. What will be his pasalubong kaya? It's because he always have something for me and my siblings whenever he goes to Bicol. May the Lord bless and Keep him.

last Saturday, I was able to talk to another psychiatrist, she asked permission from my dr. to allow me to go to classes. I was able to convince her because I am a graduating student. I truly hope to God that I be able to graduate this March.

as for my medicines, there was no change at all, same medications and dosages... I still feel sleepy whenever Itake my medicines.

I feel thankful toGod that He allowed all this to happen.

Today is the first monthsary of my Papa's death. My mama still misses him. I miss him too but I feel all the more happy that he is in a good condition in heaven.

May the Lord bless him.